Rape and Kidnap Survivor FOUND healing through Hair

Some raw truth about my background.

As a rape and kidnap survivor with my first physically intimate experience being with my assailant Mark Lee Murray III who I am actively pursuing more charges against, I was left with trying NOT to be afraid of men.  So much pain associated with failed relationships was compounded through decades. When I left corporate America as an IBM Staff Software Engineer to become a Hair salon owner, it started a new journey for me.

Sometimes I felt like the "original sidechick."  Oh, the untruths that men tell.  In my adult life, I have always been heterosexual.  Not bi-sexual or any other type of sexual.  

So what does hair have to do with all of this?  Well, as I discovered that hairstylists were supposed to "help women keep their men horny!"  In other words, I was feeling challenged with the task of helping other women "please a man."  "Broken me" had to overcome my own tragedy with men to help other women keep theirs or find theirs.

Then through my clients who believed in my healing hands for hair and their love for their husbands - it gave me a new outlook. There are some women very happy with their spouses; they wanted to keep their husbands; and I wanted to help my clients keep these rare "good men" happy.

Many readers, at this point, would begin to question did I have a father figure? Yes, my dad was a respectful dad which made me to think that I could trust other men would be respectful. Unfortunately, my naivety and sheltered upbringing allowed me to be preyed upon.

Some readers at this  point may wonder about me desiring someone else's "good husband." I have always respected marriage and with such tragic experience with physical intimacy, I definitely had no interest in "taking anyone's man."  Truth be told, there are no "perfect marriages" nor "perfect men," but there are some "perfect matches" that God joined together.  I have no intention of interfering with God's plans.

So I actually found new goals as a hair salon owner, let's keep these husbands happy by keeping their wives' hair healthy and growing.

That is still my goal with my Applebaum Hair Growth Club to help women find their "best self" in the area of hair through consultations, hair panels, and speaking engagements.

With that said, this natural hair movement is NOT working for everyone. Why wear hats and scarves when crochet braids and/or relaxers are excellent options?  

All my consultations for new clients require prepayment of AHGC consultation fee.  Thank you to all my existing clientele for making me to be the best global hair professional in the world!

Shedding the present light on some of my dark past.

Tackling my Texture and Loving my Tapestry

It's Day Seven post shampoo, and I still have curls. Some say setting lotion causes long term build-up.  I don't know if I should have the same concerns regarding my Sisterlocks.  Typically, my maintenance for my Sisterlocks goes against "Sisterlocks Bible" teachings.  I am ecstatic about how long my curls from my wet double strand twist set are holding. It has to be that setting lotion that is doing the trick.  I decided to headband my locs into a goddess updo for day 7.

Did I fool you?  Nope, I didn't cut my locs.  They are still there!!!!  See?!

"I show is nappy." Did I say that?  I can say that. Yes, I can. However, No, you can not call my hair "nappy." You probably are thinking the same thing, but nope, all curl patterns are created by God, and they are beautiful.  However, I took this picture above earlier in the day, and I realized I really, really needed to tighten my roots some.  I had over an inch of new growth in some areas.  So in the picture, below, I tightened some of the roots, and I took another picture.

Better? Right?.  Just a little more manicured look?  I was not going to post the "before" picture because I was ashamed of my curl pattern.  It seemed like it needed to be tamed.  It looked "ugly."  Although, I think it looks prettier since I tightened up some of my new growth, but then I realized why am I trying to compare my hair texture to a European standard.  Didn't Cleopatra have braids?

Self hatred still runs deep in this "natural hair movement" of 2016.  If you want corkscrew curls, but you were not born with it, then you sew it in or crochet it in.  You can have whatever texture you want to BUY right now.  

I am not sure what the natural movement started out to be, but I assure you that "being natural" is not what the "natural movement" is about in 2016.  The natural movement of 2016 is about being "relaxer free."  Women are still getting hair color, smoothing treatments, keratin treatments, and some sort of "weave."  The weaves are no longer just the typical straight, sleek, look.

I am natural.  No permanent haircolor. However, I find myself boar bristle brushing my edges to keep them from looking "ungroomed."  My intentions are good, but do they lead to self destruction trying to fit in to a new "curly society standard?"

I really did not plan to take this article in this direction, but since I had been trying to get back out into the dating scene, it has been depressing that women still have to work so hard to fit a standard.

The Right one is out there! 

I don't plan to work hard to get him so I don't have to work hard to keep him.

He must accept my texture as well as my tapestry. ~Benita

The Natural Hair Movement 2015

"Only ghetto chicks are still getting their hair relaxed."  This statement is the opinion of some  professional Black women as I heard through the grapevine. In addition, I went to a fraternity party last week, and I was surprised to see the number of flat twists, braids, Afros, and other naturals gracing the scene.  Relaxed hair was in the minority. Microlocks were in  minority.  The age range was 30 and up. It was a "grown and sexy" crowd.  So what is your opinion?

Here is my opinion:

• Many Black women who have risen through corporate ranks have "mixed" hair to begin with.  So I can see how they feel that they can embrace their own natural/mixed hair. Relaxers were more of an enhancement for them, not a necessity.
•  Majority of my clientele still get relaxers, and they are professionals who recognize that their hair does not fall into the "mixed" category so they conform by using the chemicals to do so.
• In light of the fact that starting dreadlocks can be damaging to one's career, one's livelihood, one's sanity, and even one's life as it relates to police brutality, I plan to discontinue taking on new loc clients unless they are personally referred.  I realized that chemicals and salon tools can make my job easy, and I make more money offering chemicals. I have also added more safeguards to make the chemical processes healthier resulting in healthy hair with chemicals.

Any thoughts?