Tackling my Texture and Loving my Tapestry

It's Day Seven post shampoo, and I still have curls. Some say setting lotion causes long term build-up.  I don't know if I should have the same concerns regarding my Sisterlocks.  Typically, my maintenance for my Sisterlocks goes against "Sisterlocks Bible" teachings.  I am ecstatic about how long my curls from my wet double strand twist set are holding. It has to be that setting lotion that is doing the trick.  I decided to headband my locs into a goddess updo for day 7.

Did I fool you?  Nope, I didn't cut my locs.  They are still there!!!!  See?!

"I show is nappy." Did I say that?  I can say that. Yes, I can. However, No, you can not call my hair "nappy." You probably are thinking the same thing, but nope, all curl patterns are created by God, and they are beautiful.  However, I took this picture above earlier in the day, and I realized I really, really needed to tighten my roots some.  I had over an inch of new growth in some areas.  So in the picture, below, I tightened some of the roots, and I took another picture.

Better? Right?.  Just a little more manicured look?  I was not going to post the "before" picture because I was ashamed of my curl pattern.  It seemed like it needed to be tamed.  It looked "ugly."  Although, I think it looks prettier since I tightened up some of my new growth, but then I realized why am I trying to compare my hair texture to a European standard.  Didn't Cleopatra have braids?

Self hatred still runs deep in this "natural hair movement" of 2016.  If you want corkscrew curls, but you were not born with it, then you sew it in or crochet it in.  You can have whatever texture you want to BUY right now.  

I am not sure what the natural movement started out to be, but I assure you that "being natural" is not what the "natural movement" is about in 2016.  The natural movement of 2016 is about being "relaxer free."  Women are still getting hair color, smoothing treatments, keratin treatments, and some sort of "weave."  The weaves are no longer just the typical straight, sleek, look.

I am natural.  No permanent haircolor. However, I find myself boar bristle brushing my edges to keep them from looking "ungroomed."  My intentions are good, but do they lead to self destruction trying to fit in to a new "curly society standard?"

I really did not plan to take this article in this direction, but since I had been trying to get back out into the dating scene, it has been depressing that women still have to work so hard to fit a standard.

The Right one is out there! 

I don't plan to work hard to get him so I don't have to work hard to keep him.

He must accept my texture as well as my tapestry. ~Benita

Quote: "Their hair is not that nappy"

I recently had a "mom" (parent) to call the salon for a price check on pressing children's hair. I shared my uniform thermal pricing, and the response was silence followed by "their hair is not that nappy . . ." I was a little speechless myself, but it was definitely the "quote" of the week for me. LOL!

In hindsight, despite the fact that the statement could be taken offensively by some of us with extremely overcurly hair ; it is almost a week later, and I am still chuckling over this statement.

Well, the Avlon picture in this article is supposed to represent Black women . . . My response to this picture is "their hair is not that nappy." Not one of those ladies pictured have really kinky, "Black" hair.

Avlon is the makers of KeraCare and Affirm product lines. It makes me wonder who their test models are. The "kinkier" sistas would feel more comfortable seeing ladies that have hair similar to their own. Historically, when it comes to purchasing hair products, ladies want to see women who look like them, but they need to have hair like them as well. Otherwise, "no sale."

So Avlon, please work on featuring more sistas with kinkier hair . . . Please?

Self Esteem: "Your Africa is Showing!"

(Photo Credits: www.thenaturalgirlsguidetobeauty.blogspot.com and www.toyourhealth.com) As you all know, I went back into my straight look in attempt to deal with some corporate America issues. It is better to look "corporate" from head to toe if you want to get anywhere in corporate America.

I have had so many Black women to say "your hair grew back so quickly." My response has been two part. One) The Viviscal tablets. I really believe in them. (see my separate article) Two) Natural Black hair shrinks. So although, it looks short when kinky; it expands 50 to 75% the length when straightened.

Do you know how awkward it feels to educate another Black woman about our natural hair? Some of our Black "divas" are so disconnected from their own natural hair texture. My thoughts are "If we can not accept ourselves in our raw form, then why would we expect another race to accept us?"

Black "Divas" who see other Black women with "Their Africa Showing" say "why doesn't she at least relax her hair so it can lay down." When I heard a "sistah" say this recently, I proudly and politely responded "I find some Black women are just not used to seeing their own natural hair." Then I quickly changed the topic.

I am sorry. I really, really want to scream. As you know, I recently wrote an article on "nappy love" that mentioned Black woman describing other Black women looking like a "wooly mammoth." I am thoroughly ashamed of some of my Black sisters being so ignorant about natural Black hair.

Most of the time our natural Black hair looks "ugly" when we are trying to wear it straight and the weather takes control of it. At this point, different textures start to show because parts of the hairstyle is reverting back to the natural texture. Also, when we get a lot of new growth prior to a relaxer touch-up, it looks a little awkward to have two different textures.

No, every Black woman does not need to go natural and wear an afro, but my God, please respect other Black women when "their Africa is Showing!"

To break the ice, the next time you see a Sistah that is not following the corporate straight look, say "Hey Sister! (with a warm smile) Your Africa is showing." It may become a start of a good friendship.

It takes a lot of self esteem to wear "your Africa" despite the stares and the body languages that one encounters when you are viewed as different. I challenge Black women to create a warmer acceptance of "nappy hair." Why? Our little Black girls need to know that they are beautiful just as they are! Their self esteem should not be based on what is on top of their head, but what is inside their head.

I can not emphasize enough that achieving education goals will set a stronger foundation for self-esteem than any relaxer ever will . . .

A Closer Look at Type 4c kinky curly hair

Okay. What are your first thoughts about this picture? Wow? nappy? Wow? Definitely type 4c? Curlier than yours? Did you notice that the hand is holding on to at least an inch of hair? Hair can coil/curl up so tightly that you can not find the beginning of it? Can you find the ends of some of the strands? Ignore the grey hair. Ignore some of the longer texturized lengths. Just concentrating on the natural base hair at the roots. Do you find beauty in it? or does it shock you? Does it look like normal hair? Is it socially acceptable hair? Does it represent "Black hair?" These questions raise more questions. Should this hair be colored or relaxed? Do the makers of relaxers even have this hair type in mind when the directions say "put the relaxer on and rinse it out in 15 minutes?" Can you imagine a relaxer touchup service that is past due? Trying to part the hair to get to the roots to apply relaxer product could be tough then add a time limit? Does this hair type represent a high percentage of African American women? Why do all the relaxer classes and relaxer demonstrations always use women with much looser curl patterns to sell their product? Would a stylist aim for "Super Strength" relaxer or "mild" relaxer strength? What do you think? If you go for "Super," relaxer is undoubtedly going to be in contact with the scalp for a extended period of time. That is not going to be healthy. But will the mild strength be strong enough to keep it from reverting? It depends on the relaxer brand, of course. So you are probably thinking to try "regular strength" relaxer or just remain natural? Okay, if you remain natural, combing this type of hair while dry is almost impossible giving the tightness of the coil without popping it or breaking it. The only chance of combing this type of hair with less breakage is after it is well conditioned and detangled in the wet phase. You have to partition it off and plait it down until you can blow-dry it a section at a time. This is high maintenance hair. I do not recommend permanent nor demi-permanent color on this hairtype at all. Not even to cover the grey. This hair type is vulnerable in its naturally, tightly curled state. It will be even more vulnerable after a chemical is added. Relaxer plus roller set service is about the only option to maintain a corporate professional look. Sisterlocks or other natural lock styling is also an option. I am hoping that the relaxer manufacturers will re-examine how they make relaxers. How do you keep relaxer off the scalp with a curl pattern like this? This head of hair represents a lot of struggling Black women who love their hair but feel like they have been dumped into a corner with limited to no options. With hair this tightly coiled, the words "tenderheaded" and "sensitive scalp" probably go together. If you are seeking out a routine for control without breakage, please stay posted. I will add to this article as I finalize the steps, products, and techniques that are in existence today. Be patient. You are not misunderstood.

9/4/2011 Update: The True Indulgence relaxer regular strength has met my requirements of being sodium hydroxide, little to no irritation, leaves the integrity of hair in tact and delivers reasonable straightness, shine and softness. My search is over. Please see my True Indulgence relaxer review.

12/02/2012 Update: New picture above. I really recommend Sisterlocks for this type of hair. Straightening by heat or by chemicals is just too aggressive long term for this particular curl pattern to maintain solid length.  Although, I am working on a unique relaxer touch-up technique, but I have not perfected yet. Stay tuned!

May 2013 update: After two years of searching, experimenting, trying to create a new technique, I finally and unfortunately concluded the microlocks formed by comb twisting is the best way to manage this hair type.  The scalp gets too much contact with relaxers whether you are using a mild or a regular strength. Over the years or decades, the damage will appear.  The scalp may begin to scar.  I have also found that interlocking techniques such as Sisterlocks do not grab the new hair up into the existing lock like comb twisting does. I have written a few articles on tips for healthy, stylish locks for May 2013. Please see those articles. For those who want straight hair, I still suggest locking the hair, but make a custom fit stocking cap straight hair wig to wear over the locks. I have an article on that too.

I am soooo sorry that in my two year search for a better solution to straight hair for this hairtype, I found no healthy solution, but I did find a stylish solution that works with the hairtype, not against it.  My search is truly over as far as relaxers are concerned on this curl pattern and hair texture.