Phenomenal . . .

Phenomenal . . .
Life, Growth, and Connection (This sunflower was nourished by my hands.) 2010; Photography by Benita Blocker. Please become a follower of this blog.

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Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Marriage, Mates, and Natural Hair 2015

(Very happily divorced mainly because I entered into marriage for all the wrong reasons.)

Situation #1
I have had many MARRIED women approach me in public about going natural or Loc'ing their hair, but they can not because their husbands do NOT like "the natural look."  Some ladies say their husbands prefer for them to wear a weave or a wig versus their natural hair.  In addition, some wives have been told that if their natural hair was a little looser then their husbands would be more okay with their wife going natural.  These wives admit that they want to keep their husband happy so they comply.

Questions:
1) Have relaxers created a fraudulent perception of Black hair?
2) Is it healthy for women to feel trapped between keeping their husbands happy and learning to embrace their God given hair texture?
3) If wigs and weaves are more acceptable than kinky hair, then would shaving women's heads and just maintaining hair replacement/cranial prosthesis make more sense?

Situation #2
Sleeping with a hair bonnet, rollers, or a head scarf is not acceptable by some husbands in the initial years of marriage.  After about ten years of marriage, many of these husbands relax the rules, and the wives are more flexible with doing what is necessary at night to make styling their hair easier the next morning.  We all know that women born with wavy and straight hair naturally gain length quicker and without breakage.  Lower maintenance natural loose hair is always going to be more manageable.  This type of hair does not make the women any smarter, brighter, or more educated.  It just means less to no "bad hair days."

Many Black women turn to loc'ing their hair to achieve the low maintenance lifestyle, but many men still do not like the texture of the hair in locs.  Of course, many men do, but women have to be aware that the lightness or darkness of their skin plays a part in how some men choose a mate.  Hair texture is no exception either.

Questions:
1) Have successful  Black men become so accustomed to the European standards of a polished image that this mindset plays into how they choose who to marry?  (i.e. Many Black male celebrities choose to marry outside of the Black race.)

2) Do many Black women choose to be single over having to conform to the image that some Black men prefer?

3) Does a man's self esteem really reflect in the way the woman looks that he carries on his arm?

ANSWERS:  I hoping to get some men to weigh in on these situations and mindsets.  Any takers???

On a Separate note: I used ombre lip coloring with a center transition color in my picture above. I needed to remind myself so that I will not look back two years from now and ask about my lip color.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Marriage, Men, Divorce and the Hair Thing

Photos from the movie: Waiting to Exhale

There are some men who absolutely, positively love long hair.  Sometimes long hair seals the marriage deal. Sometimes wives secretly want a short, sassy short to medium style, but in an attempt to keep their husband happy, they continue to comply with maintaining their longer length.

So one day, like the storyline in the movie "Waiting to Exhale" the wife finds herself getting traded out for a "newer model."  Of course, there are plenty of couples celebrating 40 years of marriage.  So for those who commit to the institution of marriage, it is a beautiful thing.

Now, for those who find themselves breaking up from a serious relationship or a marriage seem to always head to the hair salon for that "short to medium" haircut.

As hairstylists, we hope to talk the client through such an emotional time hoping to prolong the drastic haircut until the next hair visit with the hope that the client will forget about the style change.  However, for some emotional clients, it is a "right now" decision.  They want to be rid of this man and what he loved so dearly - the long hair.  They want freedom.  They want to find the essence of themselves again behind all the long tresses.  So 4 or more inches of hair is removed.

A support system is important when going through major life changes such as separation, divorce, and break-up.  You also need a support system if you get any type of big chop  for any reason including health related reasons.  Drastic change causes shock to everyone around.  Adapting to the drastic change takes some folks more time than others.

Some husbands don't care if your hair is long or short.  They do not care if you come home with an extra tattoo.  Those marriages are sometimes built on a deeper level or just a different superficial matter.

Before you take off 4 or 5 inches of hair, discuss it with your spouse first to make sure it is not going to affect your marriage.

Relationships can be so complex; yet, so simple.  It all depends on marrying the right person.